Well, bummer.

It's been a crazy week. In addition to complications in my condition the kids were in a car accident. Two of the kids were out together, both are fine after a little spin on slippery 68 near the river crossing. The car is waiting at a shop to be evaluated, not sure what will be involved in it's repair yet.  What can we do but laugh at the added stress in our lives as long as the laughter stops and we all maintain our sanity. If we all just keep laughing madly I'm pretty sure the oncologist would prescribe us all something, she's pretty free with the drugs.

I have continued to struggle with infection at the port location. Today I woke to find a not so pretty picture that led me to call the surgeon who told me to come in right away. That visit resulted in scheduling surgery next week for a new port. As aggravating as it is, I'm just glad to be done with this port and onto a new solution that will hopefully be less troublesome. This complication, I am told by my oncologist, is not normal but is also not surprising. Surgery combined with a weakened immune system from chemotherapy is a perfect set up for this sort of scenario. Hopefully the recently added medications will help my body deal with the new port with a more positive outcome. 

Meanwhile, I really can't complain. I still have not experienced any major side effects from the chemotherapy. I have hair! It's thinner, but it's still there. That's a plus. I am tired, a lot, and fatigued if I do to much. I've experienced a few side effects, some I have already mentioned, others aren't worth mentioning. I know some people are counting on me to share how difficult dealing with cancer is but so far I'm not a good candidate for being that voice. Cancer stinks, no doubt about it. Makes life chaotic and makes me feel like I'm on the last half of my days on this earth rather than the first half like I used to feel but honestly I feel better now than I did for a very long time before being diagnosed. I joked about my oncologist prescribing medications, she does however jokingly refer to herself as "the pill doctor" though. I am on medications for all the symptoms I was suffering before being diagnosed in addition to medicines for the side effects of chemo so I'm really feeling better than I did when I was sick, coughing, itching and miserable. Besides a daily dose of steroids one of my chemo drugs is a steroid so that while I feel fatigued the day of chemo I am actually a bit wired and hyper the days following treatment. It does cause insomnia so I do eventually crash but until that point I am actually a little obnoxious. I've learned I can do things I want to do, it just will cost me something I have to plan on paying each day for the activities I choose to enjoy. Too much is a reality. For all the naysayers out there - I realize I am on treatment 3 of 12 and that harder days may very well be ahead, I also realize that expecting things to get worse is not healthy either so I'm just going one day at a time and praising God for each day of hair on my head and strength in my step. The family is pretty good at giving me reality checks as well. I was all set to go kayaking with the family, just planning our weekend. They all sort of gave me a  "you have to be kidding me" look. Lake kayaking is pretty hard work, I'm still not convinced I couldn't do a little river trip though - it's all downstream afterall. : )

I've been kind of somber spiritually this week. While I'm feeling better physically than I had been "promised" I would feel, there is an extra load on the family. Cancer does not just cost me, the whole family pays. Extra work for everyone, time without mom for young ones, irregular schedule and expectations. Angeline gave up a summer internship in Mexico. I had a hard time letting her do this but also realized she had to do it. Even if I didn't need her, I know she would not want to look back later in life on the summer she went to Mexico while her mom had cancer. Every time one of them asks me how I feel I am both blessed and somewhat burdened. It's hard as mom to watch them suffer. It's my job to protect them not be a source of their sorrow. What a wonderful problem, to be loved by my husband and children to the point of grieving over their grief. I am a really blessed individual. But somber is for a moment and blessing is forever. Tomorrow will hold new thoughts and feelings and in the years to come each family member will have a story of how this season grew and changed them. We are in a world full of sorrows, to be blessed to know comfort and love in the midst of them is a precious gift.

Final random thoughts: Our internet has been intermittent, part of living in the country. That's why the last blog had weird font problems I can't fix yet. Next week, which was again going to be my first quiet week is now also filled with appointments and surgery. David will post updates on Facebook I'm sure. I'm so grateful for family and friends who continue to pray. I appreciate so much the calls, notes and gifts. It's amazing how little things mean so much. This year is the first year we won't be picking strawberries and making jam. The day I was sad about this someone brought me a bowl of delicious fresh picked strawberries. Someone else sent me a nail cream the same day a nail peeled deep and was hurting. These little things just say I love you in such a big encouraging way. Thank you to each one praying, thinking about us and just having encouraging, loving thoughts in our general direction - it's overwhelmingly wonderful. Thank you.