"Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force." - Irving Berlin


I stole this quote from a friends husbands blog. Eight months ago they added to their 9 children another 2 from China. It has been a challenging time for the family. They knew the girls had special needs but did not know the great extent of those needs. For one of the girls it has been eight months of hospital stays, shocking diagnoses, infections, amputation, surgeries, broken bones and requests for, "please pray she makes it through this next life threatening crisis." For the other of the girls it has been a time of finding a family who was willing to get to know her enough to learn, what no one else reported before, that she is severely autistic and has a very unique set of needs to be met. His wife's response to his voicing his exhaustion at what their lives have become was this, "We didn't do this to make our lives easier we did this to give these girls a chance to have a life, to be loved by a family. We did this to obey God's calling." 
One of the ways I keep my attitude up is by being challenged by the crazy wonderful people around me who have great attitudes no matter what comes their way. I have a college friend who has had cancer since just after we started having babies post-college. She has passed all the doomsday dates the oncologists have given her with each new diagnosis. One of the things she told me is that she has never not eaten. That might sound absurd but it's really a tremendous attitude. When you feel very sick, food is just not appealing. She has refused to drink any meal substitutes no matter how nauseas she felt, no matter how many sores filled her mouth which has had all it's taste buds dulled. No matter what, she eats real food. She is in exact contrast to the image I saw of the cancer patients the first time I walked into the cancer center.
These two friends and others with good and not so good attitudes, in addition to the admonishment in scripture, has inspired me to choose a good attitude. So far that has been fairly easy to do since I've experienced just tired and fatigue. I don't confuse bad attitude with I need to go home and rest now. I have observed that those with a good attitude seem to experience a more positive outcome. I have also observed that my oncologist smiling eyes join the smile on her face when she walks in the room to find me smiling. I'm blessed to have the opportunity to bless her with joy when I see her. 
Tomorrow is treatment number three. I think my port looks ok. The infection cleared up after the hospital stay but unfortunately appeared to be returning so I am back on anti-biotic. I was so glad to not have to return to the hospital, just a slew of more tests and scans. Have to see how it goes after treatment tomorrow. Worse case scenario, the current port will be pulled and another implanted under the other collar bone. I hope to avoid this additional surgery and scarring but I will maintain my commitment to not complaining as the doctors go about keeping me living. 
Treatment three was the promised magic number that would bring the side effects. We'll see how it goes. My hair is thinning so I look for the possibility of that exciting development moving along. I've had some mouth sores, fingernail peeling, nausea, bruising, slow healing cuts, etc. which could apparently all increase. Mostly tired and fatigue which will probably continue. So, the plan is, I'll sleep, thank the Lord for the absolutely most wonderful children in the world who keep the house going as if I'm not even needed. And, endeavor to continue to have a good attitude even if I'm tempted not to have one. David has always said, dealing with his blindness, that he can't pity himself too much because there is always someone nearby with a worse problem to keep him in check. For me that someone can easily be him, I get to be better soon but he keeps being blind - I can't really complain about being tired and bald when blind is on the table.