The kids surprised me by having a really hard time with me losing my hair. When I told them it was time to shave it (it was thin, showing bald spots and began to hurt), they all fell apart on me. As I have said before, it is really hard to be a source of grief and worry to my kids. I wore scarves for a few days to get them used to a new look but then after a lot of thought I got an idea and sneaked out of the house Friday morning. I have a friend who is an an artist and is also good at shaving heads - having raised three boys. So, she shaved it for me and painted two lovely large blue eyes on the back of my head. The kids have, as many kids do, joked for years that I must have eyes on the back of my head. So when I got home they saw the front of me and got all glassy eyed and then laughed when I turned around - just as I had hoped. 
Besides the obvious assault on my vanity, there is also the loss of privacy with my new look. Lots of looks and comments as I go about life in public, some stare, some sympathize, kids are the best wide eyed gawkers - none of it offends me. Everyone kind of knows my story now, at least this part of it. I don't want to necessarily be "the bald lady with cancer," I really want to be that lady filled with the Spirit, the loving wife, mom, and friend.....I want my identity to wrapped up in the Lord. The eyes on the back washed away kayaking Sunday, but I will endeavor to keep the smile on my face. I have taught Jocelyn to choose joy even when she has to face hard moments with her vision loss, it's up to me now to practice what I preach. Joy is a choice, a fruit from the Spirit within to receive or reject. It is not dependent on circumstance. Joy is ours to receive with or without good health, wealth, friends or employment, with our without pain, personal offense, realized or missed goals. It is appropriate to grieve, feel sorrow, pain, and even anger but above all joy can bubble to the top promptly. I hope that this lack of locks provides opportunity to share joy with others, not just fleeting happy feelings but joy from the Spirit.


Plasm 5:11 But let all those who take refuge and put their trust in You rejoice ; let them ever sing and shout for joy, because You make a covering over them and defend them; let those also who love Your name be joyful in You and be in high spirits.

Isaiah 51:11
[The Lord God says} And the redeemed of the Lord shall return and come with singing to Zion; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads. They shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

Luke 6:21 Blessed (happy-full life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, apart from your outward condition - and to be envied) are you who hunger and seek with eager desire now, for you be filled completely satisfied! Blessed (happy - full life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, apart from your outward condition - and to be envied) are you who weep and sob now, for you shall laugh.

I have more thoughts but bald or not the day calls. David has a long list for me today so I must be off as he is calling. One source of joy, it takes no time at all to get ready to go with a bald head, just choose a scarf and go. : ) I didn't know what to do with myself after my first bald shower, I toweled dry, went to the vanity and had nothing left to do - well I did powder my head with my face, just seemed like the thing to do.